I sort of don’t know where to start. I have taken a blog hiatus to say the least. When I created this blog I had just been diagnosed with Breast Cancer. This blog was a way to tell all my friends and family how I was feeling and what I was thinking throughout my journey. I didn’t hold back. I said anything I felt at the time weather it was good or bad. I needed an outlet to project all the thoughts going through my head. The feedback I received was incredible. Women could relate to what I was feeling and share their experiences with me and vice versa. The blog was my therapy. It connected me to so many young survivors walking in similar shoes as mine. I made some good friends through Fighting Fancy and some friends I will have for the rest of my life. People were contacting me on the phone, email, social media, etc. I was living a “happy” cancer life. I felt protected and educated about what was going on around me. Soon I began seeing on Social Media girls like me passing away. Girls I spoke to weekly. Or I would receive an email from a mom letting me know she got my email but Magaen would no longer be with us. My joy and positivity went down a little. And then it would happen again. These strong young women with similar backgrounds and diagnosis were all of a sudden sick again or dying. Something we all thought was behind.
I pressed on and continued to promote Fighting Fancy. I spent the majority of my time working on our biggest fund raiser, Rock the Runway. It is a New York Inspired runway show showcasing 17 local stores and 17 cancer survivors. The money raised goes to Winthrop P. Rockefeller Cancer Institute and Fighting Fancy. All my time went to making that event happen and I let the blog fall behind. I still regularly distributed bags and reached out to other survivors going through the same thing. Fighting Fancy is always around me, even if I am not always talking about it. On June 6, a week before the event, my very best Chemo Friend, Mrs. Corrie Gross Bechtellheimer, lost her battle with Breast Cancer. My world froze. I didn’t know if I was supposed to keep going or cancel Rock the Runway. I knew she would kick my ass if I cancelled it, so I made Corrie the honorary chair. The night was amazing and I think it was purely because we had an angel cheering us on from above. She was there and I felt it.
After Rock the Runway I crashed. Physically and emotionally. I was given time to grieve and rest after months of planning. I thought I was ready to go back to blogging and then I read my email… There were two different emails telling me sister or mother had passed away and she appreciated me talking them through the process. Then I got an email that one of my chemo besties was no longer in remission and would be starting chemo again soon. But why? These girls are just like me. How did I get so lucky? Am I so lucky? Is this going to be me?
It gave me huge anxiety to even check my email. I took social media off my phone. And I went back to responding to girls through the gift bags I send them. That way I was able to be involved with them but I did not want to form a relationship with them in fear that I may lose them again. My heart was bruised and beaten. I needed some time to separate myself from the blog.
I had some pretty significant health issues arise that I have been dealing with for the past six months. Some non-cancer related, some 100% related to chemo. These are things I am ready to now share with you. I think this outlet is the best way for me to reach the fellow survivors who come across my blog daily. I want to be able to tell you how I am feeling, get medical advice, show you the cool thinks Fighting Fancy is up to and highlight some amazing Chemo Girls who continue to give me strength through their own stories.