I am a sight for sore eyes today. My dearest Walter stepped straight on my face while I was napping and busted a blood vessel in my eye. I am on blood thinners so I bruise easily. You can only imagine what my eye looks like. I took a picture to put on here and grossed myself out. I am going to lay low until this thing goes away. No hair and a red eye will for sure scare the kids. Derek thinks this is really funny. He keeps asking me if I “caught the red eye home” and then told me “seriously, if you look at you head on you are straight up freaky.” And to quote my mom “you look like uncle fester” and then laughs uncontrollably. Seriously, she won’t stop laughing.
Speaking of hair… I have peach fuzz! Its blonde and straight. I don’t know anything about either one of those. This should be fun. Again, I took a picture to show you and my hairs are so see through you can’t see them.
Physically I am ok…. I am working every hour of the day to the point of exhaustion. I mean when do people check into the hospital for exhaustion? I am there. Sunday night I took my oral chemo and ambien (key word ambien) around 9:30. It usually takes a bit to kick in so I kept emailing. At some point I feel asleep… woke up the next morning in different clothes then what I fell asleep in. That was my first clue something was wrong. Then I checked my email… I had emails going out until 1:30 in the morning. No recollection. Zero. I started the laundry too. I mean I had the best of intentions but then had to spend all Monday doing damage control on all the emails I sent. I’m an idiot.
Emotionally I am a roller coaster. I am so proud of fighting fancy and the positive attention I have received the past month. I have been connected to so many outstanding women I just feel so lucky. I am keeping busy and I try to keep my sense of humor but no week is complete without a minor break down. I am scared. I don’t want this to come back, I don’t want to go through this again. I follow a number of blogs for women going through the same thing as me. They too are positive and humorous about the situation. Sunday night I went to check a blog and I read that she passed away. Reality sets in. She was 36 and has two boys. I know everyone story is different but sometimes I just put myself in their shoes and I get scared. And then there is the double mastectomy in November…. I’m still not ready to talk about that.
This weekend is Race for the Cure! I have such a great team and its growing every day. Thanks so much for everyone who has signed up! It will be an emotional day but I will be surrounded by so many friends and family. It should be fun!
Bare with me on the emails. I am trying to keep up!