LIFE AFTER CHEMO

November. Yikes! That means my surgery is just a matter of days from now. No, I am not ready. I would like to pretend to be tough right now but one look at my face and you would see how afraid I am. I am filled with anxiety. Not from the physical pain of the mastectomy but the emotional pain. My anxiety through the roof. Sleeping is not an option these days and I woke up with a fever today. Is it possible to make yourself sick with worry?

I was lucky to be able to keep my eyelashes throughout chemo. Since then I have lost every last one and my eyebrows aren’t far behind. People always told me “your coloring still looks great!” and I thought of course it does. Why would it change? Well, it changed. My entire skin texture changed. My skin feels like a reptile and my eyes look like they are sunk into my face with black circles around them. My eyeballs are red and constantly look like I have been crying. Those of you who have seen me lately know I am not exaggerating. It is all part of getting well I guess. Thankfully I have some great wigs and fake eyelashes so I can leave the house!

I am also working on growing these sprouts on my head. I look like a little baby chimpanzee. Not a full head of hair at all. Just wild crazy hairs sticking straight up. I can’t go bald in public anymore. I got over being bald but this is borderline crazy person hair. Last night I was wearing a beanie to pick up Derek at the airport. I was sitting in my car with the window down when a lady pulled up beside me and said “sir, sir, excuse me sir? are you moving soon?” I looked at her and realized she was indeed talking to me. I said “no” and rolled my window up. Burst into tears and buried my head in my steering wheel. I was mortified.

Today I meet with my surgeon for my pre-op appointment. Surgery is on Monday at 7 am. I will be at Baptist Hospital for a few days. Hopefully well medicated 🙂

xoxo,

heather

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About georgiajames

Business girl. Designer. Artist. Wife. You can find me in my studio, driving all over town, or at home with my dogs -- always with my phone in hand. Also addicted to blogs, photography, diet coke, and making things happen.
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6 Responses to LIFE AFTER CHEMO

  1. stacia says:

    Heather you are beautiful. You’re such an inspiration. Before and after this experience- you’ve always been amazing. I love you.

  2. Nicole says:

    Thinking about you. YOU GOT THIS. Being a part of your race team this year was such an honor, and it was so much fun. It was one of the best days EVER. Seeing you and Derek together is an amazing, inspiring thing. You two can get through anything together. You will kick ass on Monday. I know it. XO.

    p.s. You are gorgeous. Never once have you EVER looked like a “sir.” 🙂

  3. Ann Lett says:

    Heather, I hope your surgery goes well. You are strong. Keep the faith. You will get through. You are an amazing woman. It is ok for you to be scared. Know that we are all pulling for you. Tim and Ann Lett

    • Char says:

      Heather~ Keep your strength you are one of the strongest people I know!! Lots and lots of love and prayers!!
      Stay strong!!
      Love You!

  4. Ashley says:

    Heather- We LOVE you so much. Keep your strength and faith, you will get through this. You are absolutely amazing, beautiful and such an inspiration to us all. Alyssa and Mason can’t wait to see their beautiful Aunt Fancy (oh yeah and Uncle D….. but you are on top on top of their list….dont tell D) in 2 1/2 weeks. 🙂 I can’t wait to see and hug my strong, loving, beautiful, sweet sister in law! Sending lots of Prayers and lots of love your way! XOXO

  5. Wendy says:

    Heather, although we will probably never meet in person please know that I am praying for you tomorrow. While you have inspired me to know that I can make it through chemo, I promise you that you will rock this surgery. Prayers with you survivor sister!

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