New Years resolutions are funny. People vow to loose weight, stop drinking, eat right… All things that sound good January one and go out the window by the first weekend.
I told myself last New Years that 2013 would be my come back year. A year to turn tragedy into triumph. A year to rebuild myself. So I built a house, opened a store, raised $100,000 for Fighting Fancy and most importantly I was declared Cancer Free.
2013 was successful. check.
I’m so thankful and blessed for the year I had, however this year my resolution remains the opposite of last year. Instead of a come back, I want to “go back.” Last year, I was so focused on proving I was more than my cancer that I lost a bit of myself in the process. I let some important friendships get away from me, neglected my healthy lifestyle, let deadlines pass and the store I always dreamed of became just another item on my long list of to dos for the day. I spread myself too thin. Lost the personal touch of those reaching out to Fighting Fancy and started looking at design jobs as a burden instead of my passion.
Everyday, people ask me how I’m doing. My answer is always, “good, busy. Stressed.” I don’t want to be that person. I want to make this year not about cancer and how it’s effected me, but how I’m going to be the person I was before cancer. Still determined and passionate but instead of feeling like I have to take on every opportunity, I’m going to grow the ones I have before me and enjoy the ride.
No change happens overnight so forgive me when I tell you how busy I am. Just know, I’m working on it. Friends and family, be patient with me. I know you are all ready for me to not bring up cancer on a daily basis but I’m just not there yet. Not a minute goes by that I don’t think about it. The way I look, the way I feel, the hot flashes, the daily chemo…all reminders of where I have been the last two years. I promise the word “cancer” won’t always be a part of my daily vocabulary. But for now, I am working on it.
This year I’m working on me. Not a new version but finding the old one I loved so many things about. Simple old Heather. She is still there, just have to find her.
Cheers to 2014 and to just being ourselves!